Saturday 18 February 2012

EXCLUSIVE! The Man Who HAS SLEPT WITH, EVERY WOMAN IN NEWPORT!!



Following 'The Bouncers' tv show, and the boasts of one of the bouncers that he had 'bedded' over 5000 women, we decided to find a Newport man who could beat that incredible figure. WE DID!

Gareth Morgan, of The Lodge, Caerleon does not want to be identified, but if he has slept with as many women as he says he has, there doesn't seem much point in granting him anonymity! According to Gareth, who works at the Celtic Manor, he has SLEPT WITH EVERY WOMAN IN NEWPORT, CWMBRAN AND PONTYPOOL!!

We had to meet this guy and arranged a date at The Ship Inn in Caerleon, where we could discuss this amazing feat. We send our female reporter Megan along, to see how our Newport 'Stud' works his magic!

Gareth Morgan arrives suitably late, with a bid grin on his face, "fame at last" he say, sipping his lager, "you're not from the BBC are you? We assure him we are not from the BBC and begin the interview with a few basic questions.

How old are you Gareth?

26 man and boy, darling, what about yourself gorgeous, 18?

No, Now you claim to have slept with every woman in Newport and Cwmbran and you are working your way through Pontypool, That would mean that you would have slept with, my Nan, my Mum, my older sister and me. I don't seem to remember this mind-blowing experience.

You had black lacy Ann Summers undies on and youv'e got a birthmark under your left breast.

No I have not!

Well that must've been your Nan then. she was a bit tricky, your Nan, I kept kicking the switch on the dialysis machine!  She loved it though!  She said it was like a 'near death experience', I suppose turning the pages in 'Peoples Friend' is a near death experience for somebody of that age!

I have to ask this. What was the age of the youngest woman you've slept with...?

Well I'm not a paedo if that's what you mean! I think she was 16 or 17. I consider a woman worth getting into bed for should be over 18. thats why I asked you your age, sweety!

If you slept with every woman over 18, in the Newport area, that would include  most of the women in this pub and the bar staff...none of them seem to recognise you or give you a second look...!

Don't be as dumb as you look, cupcake, The staff's working, them women over there are with their husbands, they're sat with their colleagues and I'm with my girlfriend ,right, you!... Think about it cute reporter girl!

There are roughly 150,000 women in Newport, Cwmbran and Pontypool over the age of 18 and you are really telling me that you slept with all of them, actually had sex with them?

Yep, that's what I'm saying Lady GaGa, and I can prove it!

How?

Genetics of course! I always use protection and I keep them. Test them, and all the ladies, and Bob's your Uncle, Fanny's your Aunt, misses!

But how long does it take, I mean you work shifts...You said in your notes you started when you were 15, just in the Lodge area. Its taken 11 years...?

Listen, love, don't get your pretty little 'Agent Provocs' in a twist, I'll tell you how I does it.
The old'uns gets a hour, old to middle-aged get hour 'n' half, middle-aged, my favourites, get 3 hours, 30s,40s get about two'n'half hours, all the rest it depends what they look like, it can be over in seconds if they look like you darlin' if you know what I mean Heh, heh

Right this is the last question I've been told to ask' then I've got one of my own.

Fire away, fire away, little angel of Caerleon! by the way you're wearing a blue thong, the same one you wore on friday!

Now you've slept with every woman in Newport, Cwmbran and Pontypool what is your next challenge, Gareth?

Cardiff of course! Swansea! I'd love to give Tenby a good 'seeing to!'  Now of course my biggest most pressing challenge is you, my little passion fruit, my car is parked behind a cement mixer and builder's truck, at the rear of the pub, if anyones walks past they'll think it's the usual 'doggers'...

Alright then, Gareth, heres my question: There may be one,  may be two, women that when they are so drunk that they go blind and fall over in a stupor,  find you attractive enough to want to sleep with you. But in a hundred mile radius of  Newport, thats pathetic. You have wasted my time with this stupid lie, cost me hours and petrol on this ridiculous interview! Used obnoxious demeaning words to describe women, insulted my Nan, who you have never met! and tried to seduce me into having sex with you behind a cement mixer!

You havn't slept with all the women in Newport, Cwmbran and Pontypool, but one part of your story is true, You don't remember me, do you, Gareth, but I remember you! I was 14, Gareth, and you were 15. We went up the fields by The Lanes, and when we came back I was pregnant! I had the baby, Gareth, but I was put into care, now the baby is 11, Gareth, the question I want to ask you is, do you want to see your daughter? She's outside playing on the swings.

What? you are kidding me!

No I'm not, I brought Gemma up in care, and if you think this is a wind up, ask your Mother. We stayed in touch and she knows the whole truth. You were the only boy I did it with and because you were so immature, you were never told! Maybe that was unfair, maybe you would have been a good father. But I can't go on not telling Gemma who her father is so I'm giving you this opportunity to be a man. Please Gareth, stop telling these lies and be a father to this little girl!

Ok I will then.


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